‘spreading the love’… then stomping on it: music is easier.

I had an amazing time at WMC!  The weather was perfect – and the networking was tight.  The highlights are as follows: 1. Attending the 26th Annual International Dance Music Awards (IDMAs)  – DEV & The Cataracts Performed (best bit for sure). 2. Sneaking in a sushi date with my sis.  3. Catching up with my college professor/adviser, Rey Sanchez during the Remixing Panel. 4. Meeting Robin S. vocalist behind the 90’s tune “You’ve got to show me love”. 5. And of course taking in that beautiful South Florida sunny sunshine … with SPF 50 of course.  😉

My BackBooth gig was also amazing because, despite it being a Tuesday night show, the turnout was pretty, pretty good.  HUGE THANK YOU to all of you who came out to support!  Additionally Jacuzzihidive was a ‘fantasmagasmic’ opener with great energy and catchy tunes.  Check them out http://www.jacuzzihidive.com – your ears will thank you.

Yea last week was pretty good.  Things have been pretty good overall, my new EP project is moving along nicely – all songs are in the production phase, Dog Powered Robot rehearsals are well under way with a highly entertaining script, I finished writing the extended version of the DPR theme song, I ‘spread love’ by passing out positive affirmations at the Winter Park Art Festival, had a super cool Sunday FUNday attempting to ride a motorized skateboard and to top it all off I’m surrounded by people who love me.

One would think, “That sounds GREAT Britt, Lucky girl, go get ‘em!”  Well maybe not exactly that – but something along those lines… right?  Well then, WTF is my problem?  What on Earth is making me act like such a brat… complete ‘A-hole’ to the people who care about me the most?  Is it because I think I can, and simply get away with it? Maybe I don’t want to let anyone in or  get to close to me? That’s right, stay where you are, at an arm’s length please… so I can be comfortable.

As I type this I am realizing how tragic and horrible that sounds.  Especially regarding my behavior last night, which was not cute and quite repulsive at best.  I’m not going to go into the awful details because they don’t deserve to be memorialized on the World Wide Web

But I will say this…

Out of a list of lame excuses, (none of them good enough to stand alone) including fear, insecure feelings, and self-sabotaging strategies, I managed to hurt someone I care about.  This person has put a lot on the line emotionally and has been completely open and vulnerable with me.  And here I am stomping out the chance of having something that is truly meaningful and real.

I honestly don’t know if that person will read this, I don’t know what’s going to happen.  I don’t know if I am even ready for this, and judging by my episode last night I would say, I most certainly am not.  But then again, are we ever truly ready when lovely, unexpected, people sneak up on us?

If you are reading this, I am so sorry, and sorry doesn’t even begin to cut it. You don’t deserve this kind of treatment, and honestly you deserve so much more… more than I am giving.   I certainly don’t have it together, and I am confused as hell, but you were right.  I can’t let go that easily – and I would like it if you stuck around.  If you don’t want to, I’ll understand.  It’s like you said, you’ll be fine, and I’ll be fine… but ‘fine’ is bleh.

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